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Sep. 23rd, 2010 @ 09:38 pm Writer's Block: Me 10 Years Ago
How would your best friend have described you ten years ago? What about today?
Oh god... ME TEN YEARS AGO?? well at the beginning stages of having children, married to a man i did not want to be with... trying to settle down after YEARS of partying...an over all emotional mess!!!
Today? Together, home owner, divorced and with a man that respects me..career oriented, giving the best life i can give to my children.. OMG AM I A SOCCER MOM???? lol
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Sep. 23rd, 2010 @ 08:48 pm Frustrating
Current Location: United States, Tucson, E North St, 4101-4113
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
So i am supposed to be getting married next year in March..almost 6 months to the day. I love the man i am marrying no doubt about that, but i am having fears and doubts about if we are still a good fit.
I understand there is more to loving and living with someone then just a gushy feeling. Things HAVE to flow!!
From how bills are paid to how the house is kept to keeping the balance between time spent together, with the kids and oneself.
Now i work almost 10 hour day in between taking kids to school and picking them up and tending to their needs as well as those of 5 pets and my house and paying bills ect...
He wakes up and goes to work, comes home and watches tv, sleeps, gets alone time..wakes up eats dinner, plays video games, talks on the phone, hangs with friends in and out of the house, has the occasional sex with me and then goes to sleep... HOW IS THAT FUCKING REMOTELY CLOSE TO BEING FAIR??? Now every once and a while he will grace me with transferring a load of laundry or taking a trip to the grocery store or taking the trash out but in the big scheme of things he barley does shit in comparison to me.
These sort of things are making me question the entire thing. Do i want to raise a fourth child? Do i want to support a fourth person in my house? Do i like being taken advantage of?
I am so close to pulling the plug on the entire situation not due to the lack of love but due to the level of frustration that comes with keeping him around. It makes me wonder if its worth what i am gaining out of it to deal with the constant frustrations i feel with his lack of involvement or help or carrying of the work load that is my life.

He choose to be with us... he should be willing and able to handle what comes with us.

I do not know anymore.....
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Sep. 23rd, 2010 @ 08:30 pm Writer's Block: You and me and baby makes three
Do you think having children is a fundamental human right? Should there should be any restrictions?
Restrictions? ON having babies?? Ok so they are trying that in China so i hear... i disagree. I do think they should endorse the safe sex subject more or the birth control especially for the low income families. Perhaps discuss the teen pregnancy issues more ect.. but to restrict who can and may not have children? Now we are truly stepping on our rights as human beings... that crosses over into the entire abortion subject as well. Who are we to decide who gets to live and who doesn't????
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Aug. 9th, 2010 @ 08:33 pm Writer's Block: My Journey
If you had the chance to travel anywhere in the world for a year, where would you go?
I would go to Australia.....
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Aug. 9th, 2010 @ 08:32 pm My life
Current Location: United States, Tucson, E North St, 4101-4113
Current Mood: awake
So update.......moved back in with the boyfriend.....bought a house....got engaged...planning a wedding for march of next year. Very happy and in love.... kids go back to school after a very what seems to be a short summer in less then a week.
Heather starts middle school, and the two younger ones will start to ride the school bus, plus have a new after school program to attend. That in itself will be interesting. They have to check themselves in every day and i am dealing with the whole LETTING GO thing i guess parents deal with.
I am thinking about taking this page back up and using it to vent. At this point no one really is reading it anyways so who cares what i say on here right?
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Nov. 21st, 2009 @ 09:35 am Wow where does time go
Current Location: bed
Current Mood: tiredtired
When we were kids i recall remembering thinking a year was sooooooo long. When someone said like a something was still a month away i grunted in agony due to the long time it would take to get to that time frame. What happend????? They say when you get older that time flies faster and faster... OMG IS THAT SO TRUE!!!!
I look at my last post and here we are a year later already!!
Update..... i bought a house a really really nice old house. I love the older houses versus the newer cookie cutter houses. They knew how to build houses back then, thats for sure. Its a 2000 sqr foot 4 bdr house in Tucson, AZ.
My career is still the same. I am still working in the Insurance industry selling insurance.

From my last post when chris requested us to go steady... WE ARE STILL TOGETHER AND GOING STRONG. We are living together in this wonderful house and he is helping me raise my three wonderful three children. He is awesome and i am very happy with him.

Heather is now 10 and Justin is 8 and Rachel is 7. I was reading through one of my older older posts back in 2005. I was all happy that Heather was turning 6 and now look at her. I am checking out upcoming middle schools for her for 6th grade. Ugh....

Anyways, those are the updates in my life.
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Oct. 1st, 2008 @ 01:23 pm life
Current Location: at work
Current Mood: amusedamused
Life with its ups and downs..... its a never ending roller coaster ride this thing called life.
You think you will actually move forward and then life takes a big U turn and brings you right back where you started.
The statement History repeats itself is soooooo true. Relationships, Careers and Money.....
They all follow a certain pattern, the trick is to find the one that the pattern has a loop in it and repeats itself within itself versus having to hit that RESTART button over and over again.

So i am in a relationship once again. I have a boy friend that is a bit younger then i am. For the past year and a half we have been back and forth due to our time lines just not aligning. He was ready, i wasn't, then i was ready and he ran like hell from anything that remotely resembled responsibility. He stated he wanted me but not my life... now i am wondering how that would have worked out seeing my kids ARE MY LIFE HEHEHEHE... so none the less it did not work for the past year and a half. I was healing from the hurt that MICHAEL SWANSON i.e BLINDSPOT....... had done to me. And he was trying to grow up so he could handle what my life is.

Well he came around on labor day this year and expressed that after a year and a half he still cant seem to get over me and move on. That he truly wants to give this a shot and try for permanency.
He and i have been together for a a bit over a month now and things are going well. I do not want to jinx anything or set my sights to high but i am starting to relax in things now. My alerts are on high watch still but i am being a patient but fear full woman.

I love him... once again... i am in love.

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Apr. 26th, 2008 @ 10:26 am The past year....
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Wow, i just realized that is has pretty much been one year since i REALLY posted on here.

The past year has had many ups and downs. The majority of it was spent trying to heal from past hurts.

I am not sure if i will ever truly heal from them. The scars they left behind are constant reminders of the pain.

Here i sit, a year later.... have i learned anything? Have i seen any growth? I think so. I think i have gained a new confidence i lacked before. More awareness of my own reactions to my surroundings. I have discovered i tend to be attracted to the same type of guy though. The type that shows little interest in me or plays hard to get or just truly doesnt care. What about the phsychology is it? Someone is nuts about me and i am almost annoyed by them. The moment someone shows little interest in me, its almost as if it were a challenge....That it drvies me crazy that they are not crazy about me.....

Relationships are crazy in general... just crazy.

Friendships have gone and come, relationships have flared and died, and here i sit with my three kids a year later and life goes on.
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Apr. 26th, 2008 @ 10:22 am Writer's Block: Road Trip
When was the last time you drove out of town?

The last time i drove out of town was about 3 weeks ago. I took the kids up to morenci,AZ for the weekend to visit my friend Melissa Thumberg. She lives up there by the coppermine which is where she works.

We had alot of fun down by the river and the next day we went up to the mountain and did some hiking.

Got a nice sunburn and the kids had an absolute blast.

When was the last time YOU went out of town??
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Sep. 7th, 2007 @ 07:32 pm (no subject)
I havent posted in forever and not even sure what to say at this point.
I am not digging life at this point of my life but i am making the best of it.
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